April 13, 2008 (LPAC) -- Goreazine, the ultimate answer to the biofuels problem, may be closer than we think.

The big news at the American Chemical Society meeting in New Orleans last week was the report that a team at Michigan State University had genetically engineered a corn plant that expresses the enzyme, naturally occurring in cow's stomachs, which can break down cellulose fiber and turn it into ethanol fuel.

According to the foolish claims of biofuels enthusiasts, the fact that the enzyme is expressed only in the fibrous and leafy parts of the plant, means that the corn can still be used for food, and thus there is no threat to the food supply. However, as farmers have pointed out, much of the other parts of the plant is already used as feed or plowed back into the soil as a nutrient. Furthermore, the enormous amount of water required for ethanol production, and the fact that the net energy return may be zero, make corn ethanol into little more than a modern version of the scheme for extracting moonbeams from cucumbers, as researched at the Laputa Academy of Jonathan Swift's famous parody.

Yet some suggest that this breakthrough in bioengineering may still have practical application. If the spongy parts of Al Gore could be converted into biofuel, not only would the ever-hopeful Presidential candidate solve his weight problem, but untold gallons of imported petroleum could be saved. Or as one wit noted, "there's no fuel like an old fuel."